May 22, 2024


Making the Most of Resources

Ever wonder what it takes to improve a relationship?  Want to know and understand how to communication better?  Here is where it becomes important to take advantage of the resources and/or tools given by your therapist/counselor.

I often remark to my clients prior to their leaving the first session, “if you check at the door as you leave what you have learned today, life will be no different upon your return”.   Couples counseling is a combination of discovery of self and other.  It includes tools and suggested resources such as readings, videos, simulcast, classes, and the like.

Understanding How to Use Resources

It is important at this point to ask a very important question.  Whose behavior can you “control”?  The answer is very straight forward…the only behavior you can “control” is your own.  We may have influence, yet no actual control.

With that in mind, answer this question.  How is it when we read a “self-help” book we make every attempt to turn it into an “other-help” book?  We nit-pick all the things we want the other to read and see all along saying to ourselves “if they would only see this, do this, make this change.”

Given the only behavior we can control is our own, it is important we read self-help books as such.  If we look for our part in the relationship and how we might improve/better ourselves, in the end we better the relationship.  We better the relationship by bringing a better “me” to the table.

The resources suggested in this section are intended for your growth.  We can only influence our partner to join us on the journey to grow together.  We cannot and should not drag them along.