December 4, 2022

Fair Fighting Rules

Fair Fighting Rules:

  1. No physical violence allowed. This must be a firm guideline.
  2. Marital fighting should focus clearly on an issue of current relevance.
    1. That is, fight/argue about one thing at a time.  No cracks about in-laws or relatives…no cracks about your mate’s appearance…no dramatics…stay on the subject.
  3. No keeping count from past arguments.
    1. No mud-slinging from the past. No emotional stamp-saving. Clear the air between you and spouse as soon as possible. Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath.  Remember, you can set aside the discussion and come back to it at another time.  In setting it aside with mutual respect there’s no need to go to bed angry.
  4. No hitting below the belt.
    1. Avoid personal attacks and name-calling…or becoming hysterical….or criticizing the unchangeable. Attack the problem, not each other.  Don’t throw your feelings like stones.
  5. No leaving a marital fight in the middle of the fight unless…
    1. There is a mutual agreement to a temporary cessation of hostilities (referred to setting the stage).
    2. No fair emotionally leaving by using the silent treatment or weakly complying with things like, “Whatever you say, dear.”
  6. When fighting/arguing respect your partner.
    1. Consider offering some solutions with your feelings.  However, cramming solutions down your spouse’s throat is a sure way to get them spat back at you.
    2. Avoid cornering your spouse unless you are prepared to deal with a snarling tiger. Leave room for a graceful, mutual withdrawal. Remember, you have to live with each other tomorrow.
    3. Don’t manipulate your mate with, “It’s all my fault.”
  7. Be humble – you may be wrong.